If Tuesday's perspective shed light on the DL lifestyle for anyone at Howard, then I am afraid we, as a community, are as in denial as that congregation that still believes that their choir director is still just "waiting for the right woman" or anyone who still believes that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is still an effective military policy.
The GLBT community is real and it doesn't appear to be going away; so, let's accept that and move on.
What I would like to directly address is the concept of being "DL" or on the Down Low. While I consider myself to be a discreetly bisexual male, many would label me as DL simply because I am a closeted bisexual.
The two terms are not synonymous. The DL lifestyle, which is predicated on being romantically involved primarily with females while you have a male friend on the side, is a scourge in the black community; but, if we are to be honest, so is any form of infidelity. We have to eliminate the specialized stigma of same gender cheating. Cheating is cheating and it puts us all at risk.
No matter what someone's sexual preference is, if they are going to cheat, they are going to cheat. If someone is going to lie, they are going to lie. What we need to do is change the conversation from how could you cheat, how could you lie to why did you feel the need to cheat, why did you feel the need to lie. If we change the context, we can change the culture.
As Another DL Brother pointed out, honesty is almost completely off the table because we are so uncomfortable with the prospect of a reality outside of our own that we would rather shun than show love. How pathetic.
We, as a community, cannot continue to scapegoat the bisexual male as the root cause of all of life's socio-sexual ills. It makes no sense.
The backlash against bisexuality creates the DL culture that we have to combat if we are ever to understand each other as people.
I have friends who have been ex-communicated from their churches, booted out of their homes, disowned by family and disavowed by friends simply because they enjoy the company of the same sex. No one simply is their sexual preference. I am a brother, a son, a friend, a leader, a mentor, a student, a man, an individual well before I am a bisexual.
Often bisexuality is viewed as just a "road to gaysville." While false, let's presume that it's a true statement.
Who built that pathway --
The men who seek to be honest with women, yet are steadily spurned, or the women who so fear the prospect of "losing their men" or the propaganda of AIDS and promiscuity that they turn from men who could possibly truly love and cherish them?
Sexuality in real life is gray not black and white. Honestly, for me, in terms of attraction, personality trumps gender. And if we're being honest, isn't that the way it should be, putting genius over genitalia? Bisexuality is not a choice between, it is an openness to.
We are missing out on a great discussion when it comes to sexuality because bisexual men, who are closeted or DL, are unable to open up to women because of the risk of ridicule and rejection while women are unable to open up to bisexual men because they are closeted or DL. We have to grow up people. Our beloved "black" community will die if we don't.
- Discreet Dude
is a member of the 
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