DMV Blog Series: Inside the Male Mind

In an effort to spice up the DMV Blog Series, The Hilltop brings you one-half of the men who comprise Single Black Male, a portal where six eloquent writers allow readers into that deep, dark space where few are fortunate enough to enter—the male mind. Looking for reasons and explanations why men do what they do? You just may find it here. Questioning why the guy you're "kickin' it" with will never wife you up? These men just might have a list of explanations.  They're not trying to solve all of your problems, but you're guaranteed to leave the site with more insight than you came with, an alternative perspective, and an insatiable craving for more. Under their writing aliases Dr. Jay, Mr. Spradley, and Slim Jackson are three of the college-educated young men who give it to you straight, with no chaser every single week on Single Black Male. Check out the Q&A to see how they got started with SBM and their view on some juicy topics that we've been dying to have a man answer.

Hilltop: What is SBM's purpose in the blogosphere?

Dr. Jay: At Single Black Male, you'll see our tagline "source for the black male perspective." We really want to represent--we're young, black men and want to share what we think. We read all of the sites. We read Huffington Post. We read BBC. We're trying to comb everything, for all the information and things that are pertinent. Also, we pay attention to current events and things that are coming up but I would be remiss if I didn't mention to you that there are topics that people are always going to want to talk about. They'll always talk about interracial dating. Always talk about dating a woman with a lot of degrees or dating a guy who doesn't have a job.

Hilltop: How did you all get started with SBM?

Slim: Originally, SBM was started by one person. That person got busy with school, work, and everything else so he put out a call for other people to join the staff. I reached out to him. We talked, and I joined in November of 2008.

Dr. Jay: I recently started blogging in about 2009. It started off with FB notes and then another blogger Streetz hit me up and was like ‘hey, there's this guy and he has this blog and he's looking for new writers and you should submit something because I think you'll get put on.' Then I met SBM, who's now EBM (he's now an engaged black man). So yeah, me and Streetz kind of both headed over and we've been there since 2009.

Mr. Spradley: I started SBM actually as a reader and commenter. I would just read the blog everyday like most people do and I'd comment on it throughout the course of the day. After I became a more frequent commenter, I actually started my own blog and I was having fun with that. SBM was in the process of doing a little revamping and just from reading my comments and seeing my personal blog, they thought I'd be a good fit for the site so they asked me to join the staff in January of this year.

Hilltop: Has working with SBM opened doors to other endeavors for you?

Slim: I know for a fact that I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for that site. Yeah, I had my own personal blog before, but SBM is really how I got my name out. Writing for the site put me in front of the biggest audience. And also, since we've added a few new staff members it's like you don't want to be the wack person on staff. It's kind of like all of our writing is getting better because we motivate each other with each post. It's led to greater things. Getting asked to contribute on other sites. Getting invited to events that I wouldn't have before. I'm getting these opportunities just for sharing what's going on in my head.

Mr. Spradley: I think the sheer volume of people who read the site got my name out there quicker than it would have had I just been writing on my own personal blog and pounding away at that. I actually wrote a novella and released it on SBM, expecting maybe a couple hundred people to download it but like way more people downloaded it and part of that I know is so many people actually come to the site and check it out everyday. It definitely helped me along the way with that.

Hilltop: What made you decide to let people into the "male mind" when so many men relish in codes and secrets?

Dr. Jay: I kind of just got fed up with both sides. In college, I realized that telling women reduces stress for everybody. Tell her the truth: "Here's the qualities I want in a wife. Here is why you don't fit them." That was my approach. It's taken men a long time to come to the site, but they're coming now so it's like things are popping off. But it's like we've always had the women being very appreciative. Some of the other writers are better at delivery than I am. I'm sort of like a straight-talker, where as some of the others kind of sit you down and talk to you softly.

Mr. Spradley: I think that there's a difference between offering perspectives and offering secrets or stuff that men really wouldn't want to share. I wouldn't necessarily say I'm giving away secrets; I don't want to get kicked out of the man club for that. I think what I try to do is offer perspective. I'm not telling you things that you wouldn't really know or had an experience of your own with. What I'm offering out is just an alternate perspective than your own or the more common perspective.