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Revisiting Dating Titles... Homie-Lover-Friend

Published: Friday, November 21, 2003

Updated: Sunday, August 10, 2008 00:08

When a guy and girl in elementary school "like" each other, they call themselves boyfriend and girlfriend. This trend seems to continue to junior high, and even high school. The definition of a boyfriend or girlfriend was simple and thus a label was simply and quickly applied. In college, the establishment of a committed relationship is not as simple as checking a box "yes" or "no." "Homie-lover-friend," a term created by R. Kelly, also known as "friends with benefits," seems to be normal in college relationships. Homie-lover-friend describes a relationship between two friends who have a very casual dating relationship. They usually engage in long flirty conversations, make-out sessions and sex with no commitment. Krystal Robinson, a junior information systems major, has been in a homie-loverfriend relationship with a classmate for over 6 months. Robinson does not call him her boyfriend, nor does he call her his girlfriend. Robinson says that they agreed to just be friends with benefits with no-strings attached. According to Robinson, the situation was initially great, and each party was happy with it. "I started to catch feelings for him, and before I knew it I was in love," said Robinson. She says that she shared these feeling with her friend and, reminding her of their initial agreement, said that he did not want their situation to change. Robinson's experience is not unique. The overwhelming problem with homie-lover-friend relationships is that one party "catches" feelings. This can happen very easily considering the time and intimacy that is often shared in these types of relationships. Someone usually is going to want and demand something more out of the relationship at some point. Ironically, in homie-lover-friend relationships, the "when will this be official" question is taboo. Mary Evens, freshman biology major, said, "I feared asking him when we would make our relationship official, because it always ended in a huge argument." She went on to explain how her yearlong homie-lover-friend relationship was great until she looked herself in the mirror and wondered exactly where she stood with him. "This made me feel inadequate and insecure, since I was always wondering what was wrong with me, and why he did not want to enter into a relationship with me," she said. Eventually, Evans' relationship ended on bitter terms. "Homie-lover-friend relationships are good for establishing trust and getting to know a person. Especially in a day and age when people worthy of trust do not come a dime a dozen," said Quan Williams, a junior legal communications major. "[But] if a guy really cares for a girl he will make the relationship official, since he will want to secure her as his woman."

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