Christine Singh and Tim Waters have been in a relationship for nine months. Although Singh, a junior English major, and Waters, a recent Howard graduate, differ in age, they shared a common answer when asked whether the support from and involvement of family and friends held much importance in their relationship. The answer was no.
“I wouldn’t care, regardless, about what anyone says, “ Waters said confidently.
“My [family and friends] aren’t dating that person; I am. Yes, you want your family and friends to be involved, but at the end of the day you are with that person [not them].”
It is not uncommon for relationships to bear the consequences of overly involved friends and family. In a recent dating article posted on lovetoknow.com, those factors can cause a lot of stress in a relationship and are two of several reasons why some relationships don’t last.
Singh said she avoids any unnecessary involvement from her family, especially, by keeping her relationship life private.
“Unfortunately, it forces me to put boundaries on what I can share with my parents,” Singh said. “Ideally, I would love the support from my parents to be able to tell them stuff, but their beliefs on relationships are a lot different.”
Singh attributed these differences to culture and said her parents would prefer more control in her relationship, something she is not willing to allow.
“They’ve never really accepted the dating scene,” Singh said, “and they probably won’t, at least not right now.”
Kayla Brooks, a junior television production major, said she could relate to Singh. “In the past, my father hasn’t been too open to the guys I have brought home,” she said. But Brooks believed her parents’ opinions matter a lot more when establishing relationships.
“I respect my parents’ opinion on issues like that in my life. I just try to figure out why they feel the way they do and if their reasons were valid, I may have to reconsider [being with that person],” Brooks said.
“The reality is, if you can’t get your parents’ approval, it’s going to be hard for the relationship to work.”
When asked if support and approval from her friends mattered just as much as her parents’, Brooks chuckled. “I actually try to keep those two separate; my man is my man, my friends are my friends.”
Brooks said that in a perfect world she’d like to be able to share everything with her friends, but from past experience, she knows that’s not always best.
“It’s not supportive when your friends have a negative opinion on every situation that you and your partner may be in,” Brooks said.
“It does nothing but complicate things for you and your partner.”
Brooks also said that even she’s played the part of the nosey, over-involved best friend, but she’s matured a lot since then.
“I know how it feels to feel like you can’t even talk to your closest friends about your relationship because you’re afraid of what they’ll say. I’ve laid back [from my friends’ relationships] a lot and I just aspire to be there for them, when they really need me. That’s support,” Brooks said.
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